Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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