Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
