so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
