My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
