i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
