there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
soo... how was my night?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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