YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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