Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
