i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
