there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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