I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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