last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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