She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
