It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
