Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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