checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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