We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
