you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
