My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
