What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
