It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
