Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
