i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
