and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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