Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
