I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
