just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
