I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
