yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
