Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm like, not good at living.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
