U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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