I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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