At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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