He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
