dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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