I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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