I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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