I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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