So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
