I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
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I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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