looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
