My first STD was from a foam party
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants