all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.