It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it