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• (516): View more from New York

  It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (915): View more from Texas

  I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.

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• (510): View more from California

  Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising

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• (585): View more from New York

  don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it

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