I wanna passion pit in your ass
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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