I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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