Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
