Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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