and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
