if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Randomize
