u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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