I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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