Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
