I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
