Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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