I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize