two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
