Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
