I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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