Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
