Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
