That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
