2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
