i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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